Examine your emotions about things. And don’t go into examining your feelings feeling obligated to keep feeling the way you currently do. It’s okay. Whatever it turns out that you truly feel–if it is meaningful to talk about such things–it’s okay. It will be okay. Because the truth of your feelings, whatever they are when you examine them more deeply, whatever angle you can find to pull out a way to view the world as refracted a different way, that’s true too. It’s all true. Whatever you feel, you feel. If it resonates, it probably was sort of with you even before you–and this is what I mean by “discovering what you really feel” or what your “true feelings” are–it’s not that it was exactly as it is when you discover it and put words (or even a pre-linguistic yet real conceptual network-model of something)–that is the moment that we call discovering your “true feelings” or at least “truer” feelings–but anyway, no, not that it’s that you felt whatever that is all along–it’s that that thing has grown out of something you were feeling, and it was embryonic in the thing, or at least existed within the system of the thing that gave rise to it. So your feelings are old and they run along, and you actually don’t stop feeling a single thing, did you know that? it all fits into your consciousness somehow, even if it’s your subconscious, it’s all always there, folded just right–it all folds together into one thing, which is your brain, and you–that is, the monitoring conscious orderly more systematized machine in you as well as all the unsorted soup of other perceptions you are feeling that “you” (that is, that machine) haven’t yet discovered and incorporated into your analytic compulsively-theoretizing model-building Pavlovian systematizing-thinking-about system/model about those facets/scenes of the everything-you-know-about. see, you know about places and you know about people and all of the things you know about are your model of the world, installed Pavlovianly as well as consciously and abstractly–the other things that you do indeed feel and are successfully lying to yourself about. all of the other stuff–and there’s a lot of it–is indeed something that you do feel even if “you” can’t for the life of “you” figure out what’s bothering you. you feel it all, all the time. “you” find all sorts of ways to miss something. “you” continue to miss things you are thinking and feeling that “you” have never discovered. but it’s all always there, however it works, whatever it is,
yes, even living a very normal life where one lives according to a script and is far from fully present for most of one’s life, what a fucking phenomenon each human is. so many things noticed, processed, a ballet of obedience. you are an animal. you are not a computer. don’t be deceived by your computer-like efficiency–some part of you is perceptually doing the doing and feeling the feeling of each and every one of your noticings. you have an emotion about every fucking pixel of your vision, each hertz of pitch of every noise you hear, you have an emotion. it’s all got emotions attached to it. you feel everything. we’re paying a lot of attention to a lot of things, and every jot of that gets reacted to in you, even if “automatically,” you do indeed do the reaction, and perhaps more important you do indeed feel the doing of it, but “you” don’t notice it. and that’s a lot of fucking perceptual experience that we don’t usually acknowledge that we feel–but we do feel it all.